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Sam's Quotes

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.
-Sam Kinison

That's when you know you're pretty f---ed up, when it makes sense to fall asleep... I was driving between Needles and Barstow... It's about 120 miles of desert... It's four in the morning, man... Hey, this is a pretty good time to go to sleep ... (SCREAMS HYSTERICALLY) So I totaled this f---in' car out, man!... I f---in' totaled it! And it made SENSE at the time!
-Sam Kinison

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
-Sam Kinison
'Charlie, why'd you do it?' 'I heard the album. I heard that goddam White Album. Why don't we do it in the road? Whadda you think he was sayin', man? No one will be watching us.' And you're sitting there going: IT'S A F---IN' ALBUM! YOU WERE ON ACID, MANSON! IT'S A F---IN' ALBUM! You'd have gotten the same message out of the Monkees, you f---in' d---head.
-Sam Kinison
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F--- out of everybody!
-Sam Kinison

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